So I was on the way home Friday night, after having been up for a few days. I had just come from telling my youngest son goodbye, as he was flying to PA indefinitely the next day. I realized that I had only one cigarette left in the pack, and that I'd have to get another pack on the way. But I was tired, and didn't want to stop. So, I began to ponder, to stop or not to stop... I weighed the factors of gain and loss, and factored the quantifyable values like time and money, and then aded the factors of enjoyment gained, stresses lessened, and a few theories on the variations of them, just to be on the safe side. Somewhere in there, I realized that I did not have an accurate measure of how much it would suck if I didn't get the smoke, because I've never been wiothout smokes for more than a few hours at a time since I started smoking at 13. ... hrmmm... So I quit. I'll give it three weeks, just to be certain that the nicotine is out of system, and then I'll see how I feel... and if so, how much better I feel... and so on and so forth, and then I'll either go back to smoking, or extend the trial to 3 months... I'm wondering how this is gonna play out. I'm been smoking about a pack a day for the last 15 years, and I'm quite interested to feel first hand the exact degree to which I've become addicted to nicotine... I guess I'll find out pretty soon, as soon as my body notices that it's not getting it's fix. So far, it's been about 24h hours, and it hasn't noticed yet, but I can be pretty slow on the uptake sometimes... so we'll see.
Oh by the way, I am very arrogant about my willpower and the fact that there simply isn't a force that can move me when I decide that I shall not be moved. Also, I am kinda financially hard-pressed right now. So, if anyone reading this would like the opportunity to take my ego down a notch or 2, please feel free to bet me some money that I'll not be able to resist having a smoke in the next three weeks. I'll be taking bets of 50 bucks and over, or other stakes, if I deem them cool enough. See, I think it's not even a contest, because I can disassociate any "urge" at will, with no effort at all, so "willpower" never come into it. However, I realize that there might some people that don't think I am able to do it, and would get a kick out of seeing my truly inordinate ego "adjusted"... lol. Well, here's your chance... If you don't think I can quit for 3 weeks, feel free to back up your belief with your bank. Any takers?
PS feel free to tell anyone and everyone about this offer. I want everyone to know that they've got an opportunity to make me eat my words, deflate my ego, and get some cash from me, all at the same time. All they've got to do is "bring it". Just step up and place your bet.
music: Die Form - Operating Theater (-: Digital Gunfire :- [Industrial Strength Aural Assault])