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09:16pm 30/06/2010
 
 
Benjamin
So many things have been completed and finished, and I find that I'm a bit stunned now in regards to just what to do with the rest of my life. My family's beach house has been sold, which means that I don't have to worry about those damned property taxes, the second set of utilities, renters, or my mother having her lights turned off on her. The mortgage on my house has been paid off, which means that my discretionary income just increased by over a grand per month, and I'd really have to work to lose my house. Last but not least, my oldest son is joining the Army, which will mean that I can _finally_ quit this whole 'daddy and role model' act that I've been trying to pull off for the past few years, with varying degrees of success. It's all good news, but it's kinda knocked me on my ass a bit, like when you're playing tug-of-war, and the other bastard just up and lets go, you know?

For several years now, my life has revolved around those three things, and now that they've been/will soon be handled, I'm not sure what to do with myself. Not that I'm complaining, lol. Of all the problems to have, this is definitely one of the better ones. Also, I'm glad that I can finally write about it. I didn't want to mention that the beach house had sold before the mother of my son had finally agreed to end the child support thing. Now that the papers have been signed, notarized, and filed, though, I don't need to worry about her making any more trouble. She's signed the agreement, and he'll be 18 in a few months, anyway, so it's DONE, and she's not getting another red cent out of me. For the record, my son's been living with me for just about a year now, and I've been paying child support to her for that entire time. Gotta love the state of Florida's super-sexist child support system! ... ahem. Anyway, I can finally post without worrying that it'll come back to haunt me, so post I shall.

Seriously, I'm not even sure how to handle this sudden rush of good fortune. In the space of a few weeks, the 4 main stressors in my life all evaporated, and it became possible to finally move forward on a few things I've been wanting to do for years, like resurrect Sera and Sleip, of whom pictures will be posted sometime. Well, Sera has already been resurrected, but I'm not done wither her, not by any means. I think it'll be another year or two before she's finished. But in the mean time, it's like I've gotten a part of my soul back, seriously. (Yeah, I get emotionally attached to vehicles, especially those I built)

So while I acknowledge that there is one hell of a backlog that's built up over the past few years, there's no way in hell I could possibly hope to post all that's happened while I've been dead for tax purposes, but at least I can finally get started on it. I missed writing most of all, I think.

But anyway. Now that the main issues to which all my time and energy have been directed for the past 2-3 years have been resolved, and I've got the ways and means to do something I want to do, I'm not sure what to do. I know about the little things I want to do, but not the big thing(s). I could go back to school, maybe for engineering or architecture. I could take a year or so, and finally write down those stories. I could quit my job, if I wanted, and not worry about losing my house. It's kind of funny, actually. Since I don't 'need' that job anymore, I've been doing a lot better at it. There are so many things I could do, and I'm a little bit overwhelmed buy this sudden over-abundance of choice. Perhaps a list of some sort is in order? Perhaps some soul-searching? Maybe a good-old-fashioned midlife crises is what I need? (Nah, I'm only 35, and besides, I got that shit out of the way when I got divorced at 19).

So yeah, that's the question... what next?
location: choo-choo!
mood: indescribableindescribable
 
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 lilith42
 
01:34am 01/07/2010 (UTC)
 
 
Lilith
So, drinks are on you at Combichrist? ;)
 
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