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Brownies of Doom.  
12:23am 21/04/2003
Wow. That was a damn fine brownie I had this morning. It was not too chewy (read: RAW) and not too crispy (read: MASONRY). It was oh-so-very-very-chocolaty and delicious. There were little chunkies of chocolate goodness scattered throughout it's wonderfully moist interior. It was about an inch and a half thick and was heavy and dense, in consistency much closer to fudge than a brownie. This might have detracted from it's allure any other time, but I had a huge glass of milk at the ready, and so all was well and well.

In a chocolaty state of bliss did I consume this brownie, wit much joy and mmmmmmm-saying. A few minutes, I was watching cartoons, getting ready for bed, when I noticed that my full-belly coma was getting rather soft around the edges. There was a definite buzzy feeling in my head when I remembered that there was this odd, herbal and slightly minty taste to the brownie that I hadn't really noticed at first...

uh-oh. ummm, Houston?

The buzzy feeling grew.

and grew...

and just ... kept ... growing ...

A few minuteshours later, I was discovering layers and nuance in Shrek that had been hitherto unsuspected. Truly, it is one of the greatest moral comedies of our time. When I realized that I couldn't find my hands or communicate effectively with my legs, I decided to go to bed. There are only a short hall, one door, and about 25-30 feet from the couch to my bed, but for some reason that was one of the longest journey's of my life, somehow stretching and convoluting to involve the front porch, the kitchen, and a little bit of the back yard. Go figure. I remember thinking to myself, "Damn that Escher! Why did he have to pick today of all days to get creative with my house's layout? Can't he tell that I'm having a hard enough time as it is? Inconsiderate bastard!".

Despite the best efforts of that abstract impressionist sonofabitch, I did finally find my bed, and even managed to attain a horizontal posture, where I remained for some time. I woke up one time, about 4 pm. (according to the clock, but it was stuttering, so I can't say I entirely trust it's judgment) I was awake just long enough to notice that I was no longer disoriented or dizzy, because apparently the room itself had managed to soak the dizziness from me. I felt fine, but the room was all spinny and bendy. So I decide to go back to sleep until it straightened itself out.

I had just put my head back down when my alarm went off, saying that it was now 9:30 PM, and time for me to begin the day. I knew than for sure that it had been fucked up before It wasn't stuttering anymore, so I decided to trust it's judgment, and get out of bed. The room had calmed down, so I was able to find the door without too much effort.

Although the physical aspects of the world had stabilized, time itself had now gone screwy, because by the time I'd gotten dressed, it was an hour later. The usually boring commute to work was an adventure, and now here I am.

Wow. Tech support has never been as interesting as it is tonight. Usually, I only use about half my brain here at work but tonight, the issues aren't as simple as they usually are, and I'm having a hard time remembering not to laugh out loud at our clients until I hang up ...

Yes, that was indeed a fine brownie, and I'm glad it was as tasty as it was. I'd hate to be disappointed by my last brownie - ever.

I'm never eating another brownie again.

... Never.

and I mean that with a capital "NEVER".
mood: high as a damned kite.
music: Icon Of Coil - Access And Amplify
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