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Over, done, and concluded.... but not really.  
04:31am 07/05/2004
 
 
Benjamin
So, I guess it's over, then. I took the exams. I aced them, of course, so that's all there is to that. I've completed all the requirements, and so shortly, I shall be the first of my line to have a college degreee. Yip-skippy yee-haa... and all that jazz. Funny, doesn't feel like a victory; just... normal. Which is weird... and that doesn't make any sense, but then again, nothing meaningfull ever does make any sense, I guess. What is logical?, what is sensible?... fuck'em! I follow my instincts, because I've found that my instincts are a lot more true and a lot more real than anything my logic has ever come up with. What makes sense.... what is provable... what is comprehensible and reasonable... fuck it! I live by my own code, by my own insanity, by my own flavor of reason. I am true, true to myself, as if that mattered... Ha! Not that I give a damn, but I've seen what hell being true to something else can bring, and I'm not that dumb. I may be a fool, but I'm not _that_ dumb, lol.

Odd, then, that I should feel so damned lonely and empty now, when the trial is done, and I've succeeded. Maybe not odd... I can't tell. But I know some things... Like, I have succeeeded where all of my line before me have failed, and it makes me no better than them. I have overcome ancestoral demons, like alcohol and drugs, and still, I am no better than those who came before me. I am not yet concluded, there shall be even more and greater trials and such for me to face... and I shall surpass them all... and it won't matter. I'll still be Kires. I'll still be insane. I'll still be "that guy"... but not really. And I'll still be alone.
So be it.

Sometimes, though, I wish that things were other than they are... but then I remember what it was like before... and I weep, and soon forget such foolishness. But still, alone in the darkness, as sleep comes to claim my mind, I remember what could be... what this world could be, what this world could have been... what heaven is possible, here, ... and what it is not. Better that I am insane... because if such joy were possible, if such happiness and beneficience were truly as it is in my dreams, then this is hell, and we, all of us, are demons.

Good night, moon.
Good night, table.
Good night, spoon.
Good night, angels.
Good night, demons.
Good night, lost.
Good night, found.
Good night, heaven.
Good night, hell.
Good night all,
Condemned to dwell.
Good night.

(Yeah, I'm nuts... but at least I know it.)
mood: accomplishedaccomplished
music: Milla Jovovitch - Ruby Lane
 
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Salutations and Felicitations
 lheure_bleue
 
05:20am 07/05/2004 (UTC)
 
 
lheure_bleue
congratulations
a degree is quite an accomplishment
that cannot be undone
as for being alone and insane
we all are
here


 
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 flutewater
 
06:37am 07/05/2004 (UTC)
 
 
vuvb
congratulations!
 
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 shadesong
 
07:00am 07/05/2004 (UTC)
 
 
Magical Truthsaying Bastard Shadesong
Congratulations on your graduation; I know it's a hell of an accomplishment. *hugs*

As to the rest - I understand.
 
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