It seems I've discovered a rather unexpected but fundamental flaw in my personality. Well, "discovered" is probably the wrong word to use. "Grock" is maybe a better one, but I don't think it's quite that deep. On the surface, I can't clean my house. Yeah, just that simple and stupid. But I can't seem to get myself to do it. It's like there's some piece missing or something that keeps getting in the way. Like a negative feedback loop, but not quite. For example, I'll look at the mess, and know that I have to fix it. Then, I start figuring out what to do about it, or, how to fix it, to make it neater. That's where the trouble starts. My head goes into this Hunter S. Thompson-like spin trying to chase down the threads of action to a suitable starting point. Like, for example:
1. Pick up the stuff on the floor.ok, but where do i put it?
Hrmmm, good question. ok -
1. Make a place to put the stuff on the floor.Where?
1. Think of a place to put the stuff on the floor.Which stuff, exactly? There's several different kinds of stuff there, you know, and it can't go all into the same place.
GODDAMN IT! Shut the hell up! Can't you see I'm trying to work here?! ok, ok. -
1. Categorize the stuff on the floor. Electronics, Papers, Junk, Clothes, etc., etc.Hey,are those old DSL filters electronics or junk? You know, because they aren't useful anymore, so they're junk. But on the other hand, there's nothing wrong with them, so they're electronics, right?
::whimper:: Well, they'd go into storage, I think.
1. Put the DSL filters into some kind of storage space.Hey, shouldn't you start the dishes? Because you could do that, and then start the other cleaning while the dishes were washing.
I AM GOING TO KILL YOU!
1. Start the dishes.And while you're at it, start the laundry, too. It needs doing as well.
That's it! I can take this shit anymore.
1. Open a vein and bleed out.No, maybe you should go have a cigarette and calm down. You're too upset to do a good job cleaning.
You're probably right.
1. Go sit on the couch and have a cigarette, maybe watch Family guy or something.Hey! you're feet are dirty! don't put them on the couch!
You're right, I should clean the floor.
1. Sweep and mop the floor.But there's all this stuff on the floor.
Yeah, I'll have to pick that stuff up before I can sweep and mop.
1. Pick up the stuff on the floor.Hey, isn't that what you were going to do a few minutes ago?
... lather, rinse, repeat.
At this point, I usually just light the damned cigarette, and glare at the mess for a few minutes. Then I go do something unrelated. I just took all the doors off the cabinets in the kitchen, because I was always leaving them open. Now I have to find a place to put the doors.
this is an issue that really needs to be addressed, and I know it's far too simple a thing to warrant all this stress, but I'm just plain stumped. Anyone got any ideas or suggestions? Anyone?
music: Seize - Dont Let Me (Delobbo chromatic mix) (DigitalGunfire.com)